“When my dad died, a hole was left in my heart. It’s kind of like when your handbag goes out of fashion. My Range Rover was looking a lot less chic parked in front of the hydrant next to the salon. But, now that I have my inflatable elder, things are looking chic street again.” ~ Rhonda
Have you recently lost an elder? If so, there’s no doubt you’re reminded by the empty space occupying the passenger seat when en route to the local grocery and drugstore.
Do you take the key out of the ignition when running in Starbucks because an aged and afraid grandmother is no longer there to occupy the car and void in time until you get back? That time is over, my friend.
For a limited stretch of the imagination…we’re offering special edition synthetically skinned inflatable elders.
“When I needed to go to Rite Aid, I felt awkward leaving my senile grandfather at the house alone chained to his chair. So on our way to the store, I’d tell him we were picking up grandma, which is cruel since she is long passed away. To be frankly perverse, I just liked seeing the momentary jollity turn to confusion upon the old man’s melted looking face. Anyway, now I have an inflatable old man. It’s custom fitted so I can put grandpa’s old clothes on it. It doesn’t have senile human emotions, but it looks real and keeps me company.” ~ Jimmy
Due to a rise in overall health, people are living and driving longer into their later years. It’s not until a family member or close confidant seizes one’s license and independence that others are granted access to the vanity craze that is an old person seated in a parked running car.
According to this sentence, an old person dies every 14.5 seconds. By the time you complete this paragraph, a few more loved ones will have lost the opportunity of having a momentary use for their eldest kin. Your loved one is gone but you don’t have to lose the obscure purpose they served.
Our proprietary and revolutionary solution is:
- Old person looking
Take a look around the Whole Foods parking lot. What’s missing? It’s not gay couples getting out of mini Coops or teens pushing carts while meeting weed dealers.
How many old people do you observe abandoned in cars? Not enough…til now.
They come in all shapes, sizes, and slouches. Act now to reserve your special edition inflatable synthetically skinned old person!